what's the point?

i'm on my last lap, but i don't see the finish line. my vision is getting blurry and i am crumbling. disaster and destruction is what i feel set up for.. but why? why do i feel like everything i do doesn't mean much anymore. maybe, because i have been stripped of everything, i have been fully exposed and i'm totally unprepared. the few people i would pour my heart out to are miles out of reach.. i can't keep driving my car back and forth from miami like i am.. it's too old. the one person that i REALLY want to talk to, i don't even think realizes i'm even alive anymore. everything here sucks. i have no one. the church here is so dead it's pathetic, the worship is like back from the 80's and they only play like the same 7 songs everytime. i feel dead.. spiritually, emotionally, and almost physically. i can see character growth and changes, but what use is that when you have no one to talk to or nothing to do?! it's hard for me to even wake up out of bed.. we have been practicing like every single day, all day long, trying to get ready for israel. we even practiced today, and it's saturday!.. the only thing that keeps me with a good attitude is the fact that we are going to israel again this year and i love the people over there with all of my heart. my whole life since i have moved down here, has been one huge blurred day. i hate it.




hi, i'm Jared and i am failing at life. . . . . . . *beeeeeeeeeeeppppp*